Quitting, the 42nd month

Still smoke-free since day 1. Never think about smoking, even when stressed out. I gained 30 pounds in the 6 months after quitting, partly due to quitting smoking and partly due to working in south Texas and being introduced to all the wonderful Mexican food (and not exercising). I started working out in June 2011 and lost the excess weight, now just maintaining. Still glad I quit smoking.

Quitting, the 30th month

Still smoke-free. No cravings. Can't even recall what it felt like to inhale. Wish I could get rid of the smoker's lines around my mouth. Dang.

Quitting. The Seventeenth Month.

I now rarely have thoughts of smoking.  But when they do occur, there is no urge or craving to smoke, rather more introspective and amazement that I was able to accomplish quitting smoking for the 2nd time in my life.  Both times cold-turkey on the first try.

I wish that I had kept up with my chronicles during the past 17 months, but I quit because I found that it really was counter-productive to talk about how much I wasn't craving a smoke, because it reminded me that I was quitting smoking, which made me crave a smoke.

I do remember, though, that around the 2nd to 7th weeks were the worst. Depression. Lack of focus. Just lousy, crappy, dreadful. Awful.

Then, I turned a corner around the 8th week. I owe it to reading Psalms and praying.  I'm not a scripture quoting person, don't go to church (although I am a Christian) and can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I have actually read the Bible. But that night, after 4 nights straight crying, I was so low and despondent that I took the Bible out of my hotel room night stand and started reading Psalms. I also prayed, saying that I could not bear any more, and asked for help. It's really strange to describe, but the next day I awoke with a feeling of freedom and optimism.  It was a euphoric feeling.  If someone else told me this story, I would be the first to say that it's BS, so I don't mind if you say the same to me.  I can only say that this is how it happened.

Quitting. The Fifth Day.

I slept 5 straight hours last night.  It was fantastic!

A bit of anxiety until noon.  Then, more or less zoned out.  Probably because I'm hypoglycemic. haha.  But I'm not feeling particularly stressed or irritable. 

No appetite today either.  I can feel my stomach cramping for food, but I don't have the urge to actually eat.

This morning I had a few cig cravings, but not this afternoon.

Quitting. The Fourth Day. Evening.

Despite the extensive lack of sleep over the past three days, I do not feel fatigued.

My appetite is almost non-existent.

I have a greater sense of calm this evening.  However, I do not expect that to translate to sleep.

I dreaded working on paperwork this evening, as just the thought of it made me think of having a pre-paperwork smoke.  Once I calmed myself down, I found that my concentration was intact.  I did get very annoyed at my little doggie who sat beside me and whined on and on and on....and on.  I finally reached my saturation point and yelled at her to shut up.  I felt horrible about it and made it up to her with much attention and treats. 

I'm getting the impression that most of my cravings are psychological at this time.  Many things that I do throughout the day are associated with the thought of having a pre-task or post-task smoke.  I am missing that "old friend". 

I think a good night's sleep would help tremendously at this time.

Quitting. The Fourth Day. Morning.

Last night was the worst.  Not because of any cravings, but because of lack of sleep and feelings of anxiety and doom.  I finally got to sleep at ~4 a.m. and woke up at 7 a.m.  I've maybe slept a combined total of 6 hours in the past 72 hours.  At this point, I am not sure if my mental/psychological issues are due to quitting smoking or due to lack of sleep. 

They say that you need much less caffeine when you quit smoking, as nicotine apparently accelerates the metabolism of caffeine.  So, the 1st and 2nd days, I only had two diet cokes (as opposed to the usual 4 or 5 prior to quitting).  After not being able to sleep, I cut it down to only 1 diet coke at noon yesterday (3rd day) and my insomnia was even worse. 

Despite all this, I do still feel mentally sharp.  At least I think I do.  Maybe I'm hallucinating or in denial. 

I'm not craving a cigarette.  But I am craving sleep and mental peace.

Something just happened to the font.  I just do not have the energy to figure out what.  Nor do I care.

Quitting. The Third Day. Afternoon.

It has now been approximately 56 hours since my last cigarette.

I could not sleep again last night.  So frustrating.  I watched an entire dvd of Big Bang Theory.  Then when that was over, I watched back to back episodes of Forensic Files.  Although I like Forensic Files, the narrator's voice has a calming/soothing quality that usually lulls me to sleep.  Not last night.

The time distortion is not as bad as it was on the 1st and 2nd days (especially the 1st day).  In fact, there have been periods of 1 to 2 hours when I became completely engrossed in reading and forgot that I was quitting smoking.  Then suddenly I would realize that I was quitting and hadn't been thinking about about it, celebrated for a short moment and...there it was, a craving.  They say that each craving only lasts ~3 minutes.  I haven't timed them personally, but I have noticed that even though the cravings are intense and sometimes overwhelming, they pass quickly and as suddenly as they arrive.

My husband bought some Twizzlers.  I took one out of the package and was in the process of taking a bite when I realized that I was holding it like a cigarette.  Gah!

I was tested rather severely today.  I was hoping that by quitting during some down time between jobs, that I would be subjected to less stress than usual and would have an easier quit.  In the span of three hours, I received two calls regarding pending court cases and pleas for my help in interpretation of the facts of the case.  The stress and associated cravings were immediate and intense.  It was the closest I have come to lighting up.  But I pushed through and realized shortly that the craving and intense stress were resolving without lighting up.  The stressful thoughts remained for a while, though.  Perhaps they would have even if I were normal and not going through nicotine withdrawals.

I walked some more today, but not as much as on days 1 and 2 because I have shin splints.  How stupid.