Quitting. The Fifth Day.

I slept 5 straight hours last night.  It was fantastic!

A bit of anxiety until noon.  Then, more or less zoned out.  Probably because I'm hypoglycemic. haha.  But I'm not feeling particularly stressed or irritable. 

No appetite today either.  I can feel my stomach cramping for food, but I don't have the urge to actually eat.

This morning I had a few cig cravings, but not this afternoon.

Quitting. The Fourth Day. Evening.

Despite the extensive lack of sleep over the past three days, I do not feel fatigued.

My appetite is almost non-existent.

I have a greater sense of calm this evening.  However, I do not expect that to translate to sleep.

I dreaded working on paperwork this evening, as just the thought of it made me think of having a pre-paperwork smoke.  Once I calmed myself down, I found that my concentration was intact.  I did get very annoyed at my little doggie who sat beside me and whined on and on and on....and on.  I finally reached my saturation point and yelled at her to shut up.  I felt horrible about it and made it up to her with much attention and treats. 

I'm getting the impression that most of my cravings are psychological at this time.  Many things that I do throughout the day are associated with the thought of having a pre-task or post-task smoke.  I am missing that "old friend". 

I think a good night's sleep would help tremendously at this time.

Quitting. The Fourth Day. Morning.

Last night was the worst.  Not because of any cravings, but because of lack of sleep and feelings of anxiety and doom.  I finally got to sleep at ~4 a.m. and woke up at 7 a.m.  I've maybe slept a combined total of 6 hours in the past 72 hours.  At this point, I am not sure if my mental/psychological issues are due to quitting smoking or due to lack of sleep. 

They say that you need much less caffeine when you quit smoking, as nicotine apparently accelerates the metabolism of caffeine.  So, the 1st and 2nd days, I only had two diet cokes (as opposed to the usual 4 or 5 prior to quitting).  After not being able to sleep, I cut it down to only 1 diet coke at noon yesterday (3rd day) and my insomnia was even worse. 

Despite all this, I do still feel mentally sharp.  At least I think I do.  Maybe I'm hallucinating or in denial. 

I'm not craving a cigarette.  But I am craving sleep and mental peace.

Something just happened to the font.  I just do not have the energy to figure out what.  Nor do I care.

Quitting. The Third Day. Afternoon.

It has now been approximately 56 hours since my last cigarette.

I could not sleep again last night.  So frustrating.  I watched an entire dvd of Big Bang Theory.  Then when that was over, I watched back to back episodes of Forensic Files.  Although I like Forensic Files, the narrator's voice has a calming/soothing quality that usually lulls me to sleep.  Not last night.

The time distortion is not as bad as it was on the 1st and 2nd days (especially the 1st day).  In fact, there have been periods of 1 to 2 hours when I became completely engrossed in reading and forgot that I was quitting smoking.  Then suddenly I would realize that I was quitting and hadn't been thinking about about it, celebrated for a short moment and...there it was, a craving.  They say that each craving only lasts ~3 minutes.  I haven't timed them personally, but I have noticed that even though the cravings are intense and sometimes overwhelming, they pass quickly and as suddenly as they arrive.

My husband bought some Twizzlers.  I took one out of the package and was in the process of taking a bite when I realized that I was holding it like a cigarette.  Gah!

I was tested rather severely today.  I was hoping that by quitting during some down time between jobs, that I would be subjected to less stress than usual and would have an easier quit.  In the span of three hours, I received two calls regarding pending court cases and pleas for my help in interpretation of the facts of the case.  The stress and associated cravings were immediate and intense.  It was the closest I have come to lighting up.  But I pushed through and realized shortly that the craving and intense stress were resolving without lighting up.  The stressful thoughts remained for a while, though.  Perhaps they would have even if I were normal and not going through nicotine withdrawals.

I walked some more today, but not as much as on days 1 and 2 because I have shin splints.  How stupid.

Quitting. The Second Day. Morning.

Sleep evaded me last night.  Occasionally, I would slip into a light sleep but then wake up about 30 minutes later.  So annoying because I truly wanted to rest.  I never strongly felt the urge to smoke. I wasn't really tired when I finally got up this morning at 6:30 and I still don't feel tired, even though I only slept approximately 3 hours last night.

It has now been 26+ hours since my last cigarette. 

Time seems to have slowed to a crawl.  Although I have experienced no trememdous urges to smoke, I feel the need to fill the minutes and hours with some sort of activity. What do non-smokers do all day to fill that void?  I can't remember.

My legs were a bit sore this morning from all the walking yesterday.  So far today I have walked approximately once/hour for about 10 minutes each time. 

I'm feeling introspective today and a bit depressed.  These feelings alternate periodically with euphoria and energy.  Weird.

Quitting. The First Day.

Twenty-six years ago, I decided to quit my 2 pack/day cigarette habit. It was the toughest thing I ever remember doing. Tougher than the undergraduate studies, pre-med studies, medical school, and residency that followed. Then, in my last year of residency, I decided to start smoking again. It didn't happen immediately. I started going out with friends who were social smokers. I thought that since I hadn't had a cigarette in 18 years, I was now mature enough to not get addicted again. At first, that was true. In fact I hated the taste and it made me queasy to smoke even one cigarette. Unless I drank alcohol first. I was successful at limiting my smoking to social/drinking outings for about two weeks. Then, one day I was stuck in traffic on the way home from work and decided that a cigarette was the perfect solution to my boredom as I waited for traffic to clear. I was hooked from there on out.

Today, eight years later, as I smoked my second cigarette of the morning in what was most likely going to be a 1/2 to 3/4 pack day, I decided to only smoke 1/2 cigarette and to begin to slowly taper off my smoking until I quit. Approximately 30 minutes later, I was already craving another cigarette. I then realized that tapering would never work and decided to quit altogether, right then, at 8:30 a.m. on August 23rd, 2010.

It is now 5:10 p.m. and I have not had another cigarette yet. I have had a couple of moments when I thought "it's cigarette time", but I put on my running shoes (that had sat dormant in my closet for 8 years) and began to walk until the craving passed. I've walked a lot today. Thirty minutes ago, I was doing really well until my husband leaned over, thinking he was being cute, and loudly asked "are you craving a cigarette yet???". The crassness and insensitivity of his statement totally pissed me off and I went off on a barely controlled rage. I guess I AM craving some nicotine, now that you ask.

I am now going to go walking again. My legs are so tired. More tomorrow.