Quitting. The First Day.

Twenty-six years ago, I decided to quit my 2 pack/day cigarette habit. It was the toughest thing I ever remember doing. Tougher than the undergraduate studies, pre-med studies, medical school, and residency that followed. Then, in my last year of residency, I decided to start smoking again. It didn't happen immediately. I started going out with friends who were social smokers. I thought that since I hadn't had a cigarette in 18 years, I was now mature enough to not get addicted again. At first, that was true. In fact I hated the taste and it made me queasy to smoke even one cigarette. Unless I drank alcohol first. I was successful at limiting my smoking to social/drinking outings for about two weeks. Then, one day I was stuck in traffic on the way home from work and decided that a cigarette was the perfect solution to my boredom as I waited for traffic to clear. I was hooked from there on out.

Today, eight years later, as I smoked my second cigarette of the morning in what was most likely going to be a 1/2 to 3/4 pack day, I decided to only smoke 1/2 cigarette and to begin to slowly taper off my smoking until I quit. Approximately 30 minutes later, I was already craving another cigarette. I then realized that tapering would never work and decided to quit altogether, right then, at 8:30 a.m. on August 23rd, 2010.

It is now 5:10 p.m. and I have not had another cigarette yet. I have had a couple of moments when I thought "it's cigarette time", but I put on my running shoes (that had sat dormant in my closet for 8 years) and began to walk until the craving passed. I've walked a lot today. Thirty minutes ago, I was doing really well until my husband leaned over, thinking he was being cute, and loudly asked "are you craving a cigarette yet???". The crassness and insensitivity of his statement totally pissed me off and I went off on a barely controlled rage. I guess I AM craving some nicotine, now that you ask.

I am now going to go walking again. My legs are so tired. More tomorrow.